Reflecting on 50

The number “fifty”, and therefore the word itself, has many connotations. If asked to list out prominent associations with the number 50, one might think of the golden wedding anniversary, which is indeed significant. Another representation of 50 may be in percentages, which is to say that 50 is half of something. There are many significant ways we use 50/50 as a ratio all the time. As you read this, you have certainly come up with other examples of how the number 50 can be seen as a popular number. For me, it has special meaning for a variety of reasons. Let me explain.

As aforementioned, 50 years of marriage is one way we are familiar with this number. Both sets of my grandparents were married for more than 50 years. One set made it 68 before my grandfather, on my mother’s side, passed. For me, marriage is a big deal. Enough so that I am convinced that God is calling my wife and I to serve married couples as long as we live. I will be 78 years old when my wife and I celebrate 50. I am looking forward to the next 30 years, and more, with my bride.

Long before 50 years of marriage becomes a reality for me, there are a couple of other significant mentions of this well loved number. This past summer has seen the completion of two 50K trail-running races. After having failed in 2 previous attempts back in 2014 to run this distance, I not only succeeded for the first time in July, but finished my second just 7 weeks after the first. Both of those accomplishments felt good, because I have begun to get a hold of what God has given me regarding this talent to run long distances.

After completing these two races, I began to set my sights on another 50, but this time a 50 miler, not a 50K. In the world of ultra-running, this is the next logical step forward. Running 50 miles is beyond imaginable for many, but for me it is just a stepping stone on my way to going longer. My first 50 miler is in my backyard, literally. I will have the pleasure of racing 50 miles up at Smith Rock, among friends and family. It is something I am looking forward to with much excitement.

50 as a number is certainly significant in regards to running, but it is also occupying a small piece of my brain in one other area, and that is age. I am just 20 months shy of turning the silver corner, and with it, allowing contemplation to play its part. Many people say that age is just a number and I am hardly one to argue. Others say that you are only as old as you feel. Depending on the day and the amount of miles I have run, there are some days I feel like 20 and others I feel like 80, but I am blessed beyond measure for the ability to even think about what I can do at my age, when so many others cannot.

The implications of 50 have never meant that much to me until this year, when suddenly I became aware of it like never before. Like the distance, I don’t dread the age, but look forward to it, recognizing it is one more thing to accept and embrace. If running 50 miles is as easy as I think it is, turning 50 should be a piece of cake.

2 guys...walking home

Today we are going to walk through an amazing piece of Scripture. We will be working through Luke 14:13-35, learning about 2 guys who had their lives flipped upside down, then back over, then upside down again. Sound anything like your life sometimes?!

2 guys, walking home...for 5 hours.

Luke 24:13-14. 2 guys are walking home, talking as they go. A lot has happened in the past few days and this duo has seen it all. These 2 men were probably a little skeptical and may have had some doubts about what it all meant. Imagine you’ve seen a terrible car accident take place in front of you. Even if you didn’t know anyone involved, the sheer sight of tragedy can affect you in weird ways. In this situation, these two men had spent some serious time with Jesus and had witnessed His death. Even though they had heard rumblings of an empty tomb, the sheer sight of what they had seen just a few days earlier would have shaken them both.

Here’s a recap: In the last 3 days alone, they saw Jesus get crucified and die. All their friends scattered, including them, as they sought refuge from Jews who wanted them dead. These 2 were headed to Emmaus and it is believed they were on their way home. Were they escaping to safety? Were they fleeing because there were threats on their lives? Think about it, there had to have been countless questions and concerns in their minds. Can you imagine the conversation? The hushed voices that spoke with urgency and possibly fear? The furrowed brows, the looks of desperation?

2 guys, walking home, lots to talk about, lots to worry about.

Everything they had witnessed had been so dramatic, how could they not talk about it?! Further, there might have even been some conversation regarding what they were going to do if Jesus was indeed gone. What’s next?

Think about this for a moment. Try and relate to the shock and grief and confusion and crazy emotions that these 2 were going through. Before they had left on this journey they had heard that Peter, among others, had discovered the empty tomb. In fact, in verse 10 of Luke 24, it says that Mary Magdalene and other women had seen the empty tomb and had reported what they had seen to the apostles. These 2 men were apostles, so they were aware of the empty tomb. They had to have been so confused!

2 guys, walking home...hoping for hope.

And yet even with the confusion and drama of the moment, these two men headed home along this road that would take them to Emmaus. The trip took roughly 5 hours and had probably been made dozens of times by these two. They knew what they were in for. Realistically, they started their trip just after the sun came up that day. However, can you imagine a 5 hour trip made on foot? I think that’s the modern day equivalent of following your kids around Disneyland for a day.

In verse 15 it says that while these 2 were walking along, Jesus walks up and joins them on their journey. Jesus, being Jesus, gets right to the heart of the matter and boldly asks them what they are talking about. At the end of verse 17 it says that they stood still, looking sad.

2 guys, walking home...hope walks up.

Okay, so they’re walking along, Jesus walks up alongside and inserts Himself in the conversation and wants to know what’s up and these 2 guys stop walking and look at Jesus with what must have been an amazing and yet dumbfounded look (demonstrated through action). I can picture these 2 standing there with their hands in their pockets, scraping the ground with their feet, a single tear streaming down their faces, like 2 lost puppies, as they attempt to tell Jesus what happened to Jesus.

Our 2 heroes were so caught up in their own pity party, they didn’t even realize it was Jesus. Have you ever been there? Have you ever been so focused on what you were doing that you didn’t even realize the obvious? OK, show of hands, who here has hunted for their glasses only to discover they were on top of your head the whole time? Making matters worse is the person who points them out for you, as they laugh hysterically at you.

2 guys, walking home...hope is with them, even though they didn’t know it.

Fortunately, there is no written Scripture of Jesus laughing at these 2 men. Instead, they tell Jesus about Jesus and about all that had taken place over at least the past 2 years. About the crucifixion, the resurrection and about how there were those who had witnessed the empty tomb. In verses 22-24, we see the proof of the eyewitness testimony of the empty tomb and how these 2 men knew, but clearly they had massive doubt swirling inside because then Jesus hits them verse 25 and 26.

2 guys, walking home...hope builds.

Jesus may not have laughed at them but He certainly called them foolish and called their faith out on the carpet. These 2 guys were about to get the greatest history lesson of their lives, all while walking for 5 hours. Eventually, they get to where they were headed and even after being called dumb, our 2 gentlemen invited Jesus in for a meal. In verse 30, as Jesus is blessing the meal and breaking the bread to serve them, it says that their eyes are opened and they realize it was Jesus. This might be the world’s greatest AHA moment! Probably a little more special than when you reach up and grab those glasses from atop your head. You may have had an AHA moment but I’m sure you weren’t nearly as excited as these two were.

2 guys, walking home...hope arrives.

How many of us can honestly say that we recognize when God is right there with us? At moments of doubt and fear, don’t we usually turn inwards and focus on getting out of the hole we’re in? Think about it, you lose your job and what happens next? Within 5 minutes, the social media world knows everything and the “woe is me” party is on! We “travel” through life for the next several days adjusting to the new normal. Things are no longer the way they were and we immediately focus on ourselves. Why? Because it’s self-preservation! We freak out, we mope around, we complain about it, we rant a little and then we dust ourselves off and walk home!

Philippians 4:6-7 - “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”

2 guys, walking home...it doesn’t have to be this way.

These 2 guys had lost a lot and now they were walking home, not sure what to do next. Jesus walks up and immediately shakes these guys up. In fact, it’s like Lucy walking up to Charlie Brown and calling him a blockhead for doing something dumb. Jesus had spent some amazing quality time with these 2 men and now here they were, completely turned inward, focused on a life without Him. They were in fear, they were moping, they would have posted it on Facebook but, you know. The “woe is me” party was in full swing for a 5 hour walk!!

2 Timothy 1:7 - “For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.”

2 guys, walking home...there is a better way!

Remember that feeling of realizing your glasses were on top of your head the whole time? Did you feel a little dumb? A little sheepish? A little embarrassed? Our eyes may have been kept from recognizing that our glasses were right there the whole time and yet it doesn’t change the fact they were there anyway, we had never lost them.

Matthew 28:20b - “And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age.”

Here’s a bit of good news: We don’t know how long these 2 guys walked along before Jesus walked up but we know this, He did. And while Jesus was not immediately apparent for these 2 men to see, Jesus knew what these 2 guys needed, which was to be encouraged, educated a little, walked with, talked with and brought into a relationship. Jesus did all of this in just a few hours of walking.

Look, you and I are the 2 guys walking along the road. There are going to be times when bad things happen and we lose sight of our commission. We will get focused on the immediate and we will be fearful. In fact, we might even lose hope. Our 2 friends in Luke sure did. But here’s the beauty of it all...Jesus comes along and restores our hope. He restores our faith. He takes away our fears.

Isaiah 41:10 - “So do not fear, for I am with you. Do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”

We are all walking home, each of us on a journey to one day dance with Jesus in heaven, singing the praises of our savior and our God forevermore!

I want all of us to consider this story for another moment. It took these two guys about 5 hours to walk to Emmaus. They were probably not in an exceptional hurry and walked as you and I might walk if were out for a hike. Now imagine you get to where you’re headed while being encouraged and educated along the way, by Jesus. Your eyes are opened to who He is. You go from being terribly depressed and edgy to enthralled and captivated and then finally you are full blown excited, ready to burst out of your own skin...what do you do?

You run back to tell the rest of your friends about what you have just seen and heard. I’m going to hazard a guess here but I think it took these 2 guys about an hour and a half to two hours to get back to Jerusalem!! They may have been motivated! But their hope had been renewed. They realized that Jesus was with them. They weren’t alone.

Joshua 1:9 - “Be strong. Be brave. Be fearless. You are never alone.”

2 guys, walking home...they were never alone.

We are not alone, even when we might think we are. Our God has promised us that He will always be with us. As we move towards a time of response, you may find yourself feeling as if you are walking this road alone. With every head bowed and every eye closed, as the worship team comes forward, if you are feeling like God is no where near you and everything good in your life has suddenly vanished; If you feel fearful, scared about what’s going to happen next and you don’t know what to do; If you felt that God was close to you but now you don’t know where He is in your life; come and find an altar. There, be renewed by the presence of a living God. Our prayer team will come and pray with you. Let us respond.

The art of marriage

We live in a world of convenience, more now than ever before. Nearly everything can be had with minimal to no effort, which has only spoiled mankind in such a way that we don't even try anymore. Consider this... you can get gas, get coffee, pick up your prescription, grab a movie, grab dinner, get your oil changed and your car washed, all without getting out of your car! What does this mean? It means that we have separated ourselves from each other and have sought conveniences for the sake of so called self-preservation.

In a nutshell, we're lazy.

When it comes to relationships, our laziness is even more pronounced. The reason we seek conveniences is supposedly based on being more efficient with our time but it has turned into a way to get what we want, when we want it, with minimal effort on our part. How many times have you watched the marriage of someone you know fall apart? Maybe a few times? We often hear the stories of fall-out from infidelity, abuse, addiction, etc. But we never get clear answers on what led to the fall-out. We speculate, but truthfully people don't sit down and lay out the events that led to the demise of a relationship. Instead, they pick up pieces, pluck out chunks of shrapnel and move on, often times while lobbing verbal grenades for years to come. So what happened?

To be sure, we're needy.

We all like a little affirmation from time to time. Some of us might need it a little more than others but it doesn't change the fact that we all want to know how we're doing from time to time. That's not what I'm talking about. It really comes down to feelings. At our core, we want to feel good. This can be feeling loved and appreciated, feeling victorious and confident, feeling accomplished and successful, feeling wanted and desired, feeling significant and necessary, feeling useful and helpful and feeling honored and respected. These are legitimate feelings that each of us has periodically throughout each day. There is nothing wrong with any of them, until we reach a point where we can no longer function unless our needs are being met. This is where we get to the art of marriage, because trust me, it's an art, among other things. And in determining our needs, we recognize that we might not function very well if our needs aren't met regularly. Frankly, that truism is not pretty.

I'm not going to lie, we're greedy.

When we meet someone special who makes us feel all those wonderful feelings I mentioned above (and more), we stop at nothing to love on and dote on that other person. What's interesting is that a relationship starts with our own needs being met, which in turn makes us want to take care of (meet the needs of) someone else. This is good. In fact, this is AWESOME! But let's back up a second. We're needy, remember? It doesn't take long for our innate needs to creep back to the surface and before long, we go in search of the meeting of our own needs, especially when they are no longer being met by our significant other. We get greedy. We start seeking ways to please ourselves because we no longer find contentment in our mate. And maybe there was something missing from the beginning... have we considered that? Maybe we're a little more messed up than we would like to admit.

The truth is, we're broken.
(To be continued)

On ethics

Let me provide a definition for ethics before we go any further. "Ethics is a disciplined reflection on the formation of a healthy character and its relationship to virtuous action." (from Living Ethical Lives - lesson 1 - NW Nazarene University COS)

Let's break this down. Firstly, ethics is a disciplined reflection. This tells me I need to be reflective on a consistent basis, suggesting there are routine moments in my day to be reflective about my life, faith, or perspective. As I think about the idea of such reflection, I wonder what the goal would be. In short order, it becomes clear that we are to "be of the mind of Christ" on a daily basis, if not a moment by moment one.

That idea alone helped me to understand why such reflection might be difficult. How many of us work full time? Do we have the opportunities to reflect on the nature of God in the middle of our shift? How is it that we go from saying yes to Jesus, admitting we need Him in our lives, to having a disciplined reflection where all our thoughts are on Christ?

Further examining our definition of ethics, I see that our reflection is on the formation of a healthy character. So it is that as we dwell on the mind of Christ, our very character should change and in fact, it should be "transformed by the renewing of our minds." Therefore, I am regularly thinking about Jesus and as I do so, my character changes, that is to say my words, thoughts and my demeanor.

To me, those around us should begin to see a difference as we think less about the things of this world and begin to think more about the things of eternity. Who we are is going to change, right in front of those who know us best.

Lastly, it is our character that becomes related to our behavior. A healthy character is related to virtuous actions. If I am thinking about Jesus all day and my character changes because of those thoughts, my actions are going to change as well. The idea here is that if I dwell on Christ, I will begin to think like Christ and then in turn I will act like Christ. It all sounds so simple!

It starts with a disciplined reflection. Actually, it starts with allowing the Holy Spirit to begin a work in us that we are not capable of on our own. From there, understanding ethics and its definition seems approachable. The troubles come when we let the distractions of this world sidetrack us from the work that God has called us to do. Soon, being reflective becomes a spotty affair, where we rarely take the time to reflect on the healthy character of Christ as it should be evidenced in our own lives.

Part of the word disciplined is disciple. For us to be disciplined, we have to find ourselves at the feet of Jesus as we learn to follow Him. It may take a few years to learn the shepherd's voice, but when we do, we will not get lost as easily as we did when we were younger. But I think we also have to remember not to purposely pull ourselves away from the flock either.

I have often wondered about the methodology of monasticism for such aims, only to step back and realize that we were meant to live in concert with each other. Our 21st century lives do not allow for much disciplined reflection and it will take a monumental effort to get people to buy into such an idea. But oh how our lives would truly change if we were willing to fully follow Him, dwell on Him and become like Him. Our ethics would be His ethics.

The Journey - chapter 1

The Journey - From Secular to Spiritual
Chapter 1

With each step taken, the journey changes. There are moments of clarity and moments of deep fog. For whatever reason, I imagined this journey would be much easier than it has been. While I certainly accept there will be trials in all aspects of life, I see now that I had an irrational and illogical view of how my transition would go. Such is life.

Each story deserves some level of context and this story is no different, truly. In fact, many of us have similar stories and it is worth pointing out that I cherish the commonalities among us. It is those commonalities we must learn to embrace for the sake of Romans 12:9-21 and the gospel for which we carry, share and live out.

My story that gets me here is not unlike anything you may have heard before. There is brokenness, heartache, depression, addiction, betrayal, abuse. There is love, humor, joy, elation. There is adversity, resilience, pain, triumph. I am by no means some special case but I am here because of the grace of God, the power of a praying mother, the willingness of a friend who shared Jesus and the never-ending conviction of the Holy Spirit who refuses to let me drown in my own doubt.

To say that I grew up in the church would not be a proper statement. I grew up attending a church with my parents who decided they wanted us to be exposed to more of a conservative group of people. They sent us to a small private school that was associated with the church. We didn't make it to church every Sunday but we were mostly regular for about 5 years. As I neared adolescence I found myself very busy with sports and singing, two things I adored. While pursuing these two passions, I had little time for anything else, including church. I had very little connection there and struggled to grasp the necessity of it. I found God to be very unapproachable and cold. To be honest, I began to doubt if He cared very much about me personally.

As I found a voice I also found the boldness to rebel against the church and the people within it. I had begun to discover my own intellect and with that discovery I began to look down on anyone else around me that seemed unwilling to rise up and use the brains within their heads. To be honest, I quickly became very condescending to nearly everyone around me. This resulted in short-term friendships, alienation of my immediate family and a daily struggle to interact with nearly anyone around me. In short, I stopped listening to everyone except myself.

This behavior lasted for more than 15 years. Relationships became disposable and I was OK with that. I burned through college friends, a marriage, two brothers, a sister, in-laws and countless people along the way. At 28 I needed a restart, I just didn't know how it was possible.

The journey from secular to spiritual must recognize what each of us has not only come out of, but more importantly what we continue through each day. The world is all around us, it's not going anywhere. We must learn to live in it while seeking to be changed by the world we belong to and not the one we're in. That last sentence is profound. I fought to not only live in this world but to change it in spite of its nature and my own. The reality is that this world is not changed by us, it is changed through us by the power of God. Therefore, what God does to us, for us and through us is nothing short of a complete life makeover. I began to recognize my own need for a new life. The only trouble was, at age 28 I was still listening to the world.

Over the following 5 years I got married, bought a house, had a kid, adopted another kid, bought a house. Sold the first house and bought another house. And got invited to church. Everything except for that last part was how I saw my life going. I began to see success by what I could change in my own world and therefore, on a greater level, the change I could have on my sphere of influence within the world around me. Without any sort of a big picture mindset I wandered in search of the next challenge. I searched my sphere of influence and beyond, hoping to find what I needed, which was a crutch for my pride and lack of humility. It was in those moments that a co-worker invited me to an open-gym night at his church. I saw another challenge, so I went.

At this point, the mind would tell us that it is a foregone conclusion regarding my life from that point forward. But let me interrupt that assumption with a few observations, especially regarding the mindset of so many people who are wandering around aimlessly looking for the world to meet their challenge for fulfillment. The first thing is to recognize that even though I said yes to attending an open-gym night, I walked into that place with my athletic ego in high gear. I walked in there to prove a point, which was that I was superior. Before long, everyone there knew who I was and that I came to play hard. I am sure I turned more than just a few people off to my behavior. As I look back, I wonder how many observed my actions and thought to themselves that I was merely one example of a soul who needed to be surrounded by Godly, humble people who could look past my prideful arrogance and see someone who needed Jesus. More aptly, I wonder how many people saw me as a soul who was lost to the world, consumed by the secular.

The second thing to recognize is that I walked into that gym with a lot of baggage, including an addiction to alcohol and an ego the size of Oregon. I remember making friends with a couple of guys but I also remember that most of the people there didn't talk to me much. As time went on, not only did that not change, but it got worse. My baggage was beginning to show and unfortunantely, I had no idea. I think that there is a common misconception that exists among those who have been raised in the church, which is that if we can just get sinners to come to church, they will walk through the doors and be magically fixed. The truth is it never works that way. However, let me be clear here, because I don't want to take away from the power of the Holy Spirit to change a life, but this world exists and it is not going anywhere, regardless of how much we might fight against it. When a person is consumed by the world and all of its flaws, it is much like being wrapped in a separate layer of skin. It's not so easy to just peel it off, it takes some work. More than that, it takes the assistance of God's people to love in spite of the skin of the world that a lot of us have before coming to know Christ. I would love to tell you that there are thousands of people who walk into a church, hear the word of God, learn about the love of Jesus and then shed that old skin right then and there, but I would be lying to you if I said that. But let me explain.

The journey from secular to spiritual starts with a choice to take the first step. From there, the road that you are on may still be a somewhat familiar one, marked with people and trappings of this world, such as friends, family, job situation, living situation, finances, addictions, habits, behaviors, character traits, etc. People do not simply walk into church and walk away from everything in their lives just like that. Are you still tracking with me? This is the state of the journey and it is wise for us to recognize how hard it is to simply drop everything and follow Jesus. For the vast majority of us, we walk in to church with chains holding us back and we walk back out carrying many of the same chains we walked in with. This is sad but it is something we must address or we are going to fail our brothers and sisters who need to know that a changed life is what God desires, even if it takes you awhile to change.

The disciples were asked to follow Jesus and they dropped their nets and left everything behind (Luke 5). The suggestion in these passages is that the disciples didn't go through a process, they simply heard the words of Jesus, saw His power (the miracle in Luke 5) and chose to follow. However, this same group of disciples struggled at many times to trust Jesus, to believe in His ministry, to listen to His commands, to believe they were capable of doing similar feats and to be bold for Jesus as He had instructed them to do. It would take these disciples the better part of 3 years to be able to stand on their own and even then, we see issues in Acts. And this brings us to a further understanding of our journey. It took the disciples more than 3 years to journey from the secular to the spiritual and they had Jesus in the flesh to learn from. We are fortunate to have His ministry in printed form along with the insight of thousands of others who have come before us.

As I contemplate the process known as entire sanctification, I realize that a changed life for Christ is indeed a very special thing but I am also realizing that it is not an instantaneous thing. Why is that so hard to fathom? Because in America we want everything right now. We live in an age of convenience and instant gratification. The unfortunate downside to this perspective is in our spiritual walk and growth in Christ. Our flesh is tethered to a world that would prefer to rip it off. We must recognize the words of Paul that we need to condition ourselves for the marathon of life, preparing our minds and bodies to go the distance. Training ourselves as a champion athlete would, who works tirelessly day in and day out in order to be the best he or she can be. This means that we are daily in the word, daily in prayer, daily in meditation, daily in concert with other Christ followers, etc. Our journeys must get us to this point. The trouble is that most people do not find the destination to be all that palpable.

To that end, this is the juxtaposition of my transition from secular to spiritual. One one hand, I see value in keeping an eye and an ear to the road of my secular life. There are many people there who I wish to speak to and I don't want to lose sight of them. On the other hand, the spiritual life is what God has called me (and all of us) to. Jesus said that we are not of this world, and I get that, but I'm here none the less. And because I'm here and because I am in the process of coming out of complete saturation of the secular, I feel as if I am dripping dirty parts of me in the areas of the spiritual. On one hand, the secular life seems much easier to live right now. On the other hand, the spiritual life offers blessings now and rewards for eternity. And even though I know how shortsighted the secular viewpoint is, I still struggle with it.

I have never considered myself to be dense. I say that because as I look back over the last 13 years, I see a man who has fought very hard against the journey. There have been ebbs and flows, ups and downs, highs and lows. I have felt very close to God and very far away. At times I have been certain I was on the right path and other times when I felt that I just needed to walk away from it all because it would be so much easier. "In this life you will have troubles....but take heart!" Each day I try and remind myself of the words of Jesus in John 16, knowing that I cannot for one moment depend on my own abilities to navigate these waters. And yet I question why this journey has taken me this long. Shouldn't I be further along by now? Were there any disciples like this? How long did it take Thomas? Did he immediately launch into full blown missionary mode after he put his fingers in the wounds of Jesus? Oh ye of little faith!!

Prayer:
Oh Lord, complete this transition for me, as I am simply too incapable of doing this without your help. Guide me past my uncertainty and foolishness that is masked as cautious wisdom. Instead, grant me your wisdom to see the joy in the journey, regardless of the road I am on. Help me to reach out to others who are also on this same road, who feel lost and defeated, who don't think they're good enough to serve you... because I'm certainly not good enough to serve you and yet you love me anyway. Every gap I leave, you fill. Every deficiency of mine that is discovered you cover. Your grace is all I need. Your power is made perfect even in my weakness. For when I am weak, then I am strong. Thank you Lord for all you are. Amen.