Wednesday, January 13, 2010

bored

I’m bored and don’t know what to write…not sure why but for some reason seem conflicted about whether to write on a new topic or keep discussing my favorite one. There are a lot of things I could talk about but I suppose I need some passion, gotta figure out where I hid that.


I have been at odds lately with many things, among them my family up north. I love them all very much but I am nearing the point where no interaction is acceptable, seeing as they are alright with that. For a while it appeared we could keep up some sort of regular conversation by phone, then that failed. There is always the annual pilgrimage home for Thanksgiving weekend, but that almost seems trite anymore. I want so much to have some sense of relationship but I fear it is one sided. I get the impression during chats that it would be best to just stop calling.

Relating to ministry, I have officially stepped down from one thing and have hoped to find something a little closer to home. So far nothing has materialized but I am trusting in God to direct my steps. With the winter upon us now, it is that time of year when most things are indoors which seems to limit my thoughts towards ministry. Now that I am working for parks and rec I am excited about the many possibilities to talk to hundreds of people that I would never have known. I am hopeful that God has planted me here to be a light. My heart has been screaming out to serve and I can only pray that God takes these hands and feet and moves me into the lives of the broken.

Work hasn’t changed much, speaking of my full time gig that is. We show up every day and find a way to make it happen. Times are tough and things have been ugly this year but I am very thankful for a boss that is so generous. I am convinced we will survive this mess and rise above but sometimes it is harder to believe than others. Right now we are looking good for the next few months and I am thankful that God continues to provide.

Does this feel like a Christmas letter? Yea, to me too…hmmm, not what I was intending, but now what? Politics? Boo. Hiss. Phffftttt! Sports? I was inspired by Ingram’s acceptance speech at the Heisman presentation and wish every athlete would watch that. I hope the Ducks crush Ohio State and I hope Cincinnati shows up against Florida. I am sick and tired of pro sports and wish I could ignore the 24-7 Tiger channel (the guy screwed up and now he is trying to figure out how to make things better…let’s back off and give him a chance).

I am looking forward to watching my daughter try basketball for the first time, starting in January. I had this crazy daydream of having ESPN Gameday show up at one of her games…tell me that wouldn’t be cool, Dick Vitale goin off about “diaper dandies”. I will get to watch every game and I am hopeful that she has a blast.

I continue to become more reflective as I age, this is possibly normal but it is all the more obvious to me as the days pass. I spend more time reading and then truly thinking about impacts. It has occurred to me that too many people on this planet are strictly reactionary and therefore too few people are effective in being proactive. That nature is what is destroying the movement to be more environmentally conscious. Instead of looking at this planet as a place to enjoy for many generations, too many individuals are living as if they get to be the last generation. It is despicable to witness and worse to come across Christians who think it is acceptable to be so reactionary.

I will admit that up to now it has been nice to be an American but I am coming to grips more and more that I am simply a visitor here and will soon fade away like everything else on this planet. With that notion in mind I have toyed with the idea of giving up my citizenship if it means I can stand for the one thing that no one can take from me, and that is my faith. I know that I spoken about Americanism and being not of this world, but this is more of an ultimatum now. My faith has to be not only more important than my place as an American, I have to find a way to make it clear that I would happily give up my rights to prove a point, which is that being an American is becoming something of a liability.

Since starting this post I have experienced the joy of being laid off. During this economic time when so many are hurting I feel blessed and am willing to be tested if that is God’s plan for my life at this moment. Spending time in the fire may be just the thing for me and I am excited for what God can do with this sojourner.

We have made it to another year. We are stronger and wiser (hopefully) and continuing to seek better than we had last year. In this coming year, take moments to reflect on what you have and forget about what you do not have. Thank God in the little moments as well as the big, He enjoys hearing from you all day, not just at the end. When you are down remember that others are down there with you so pray for them because you might be able to help each other up.
____________________________________________________________
My life is not mine, and yet it is mine to live for Him. Peace to you all.

D

1 comment:

infidel said...

sorry to hear you got laid off, man. hope you find your path soon.