Monday, September 17, 2007

i have a theory

i have asked this before and not provided an answer. profundity is really a teacher who just talks a lot, it's up to you to ask the hard questions and then furthermore, demand an answer.

if war is not the answer, who keeps asking the same stupid question? we are so infinitely infantile, and that is not meant to be a cliche`. history will ultimately provide proof that we lack the foresight to forge ahead, or more importantly, to "stay the course".

believe what you will, think what you want. i am unwilling to confront this issue any longer for fear that political status means lack of faith. take your shots, my skin is most likely thicker than you think.

take the time to read this interview with James Carroll. it is intriguing to say the least. i welcome your comments and if you like, will engage in a forum if requested.

peace and love to you all.

Thursday, September 13, 2007

random thoughts

Mutual respect is not merely passed down from generation to generation, but more importantly it is taught, first willingly, then inherently. It is first received with wanting and then with knowing. D

Don’t run with ideas, you might poke someone’s eye out. D

Positive thinking without any skill isn’t worth the thought. D

Whatever I have, wherever I am, I can make it through anything in the one who makes me who I am. D

Take the risks you cannot afford to take. Batterson

Prosperity is more difficult to take than troublesome times. Batterson

We have a tendency to believe that God is only as big as our largest problem. Based on that theory, we can choose to walk away from God and He is powerless to do anything about it because He is not that big. D

I came into this world with nothing and I still have most of it left. Anon

No brain, no headache. D

Pain is temporary, eventually we all die. D

My life is not mine, and yet it is mine to live for Him. D

A lie told often enough becomes the truth. Lenin

A father is a man who expects his children to be as good as he meant to be. Coats

I want to know God's thoughts; the rest are details. Einstein

…now I have insight…and foresight. I use to lack both until hindsight kicked in and kicked me, right where it hurt. D

Life is…what you allow other people to help you make it. D

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

from michelle

For my regular readers, this is a guest spot from my sister in law who lives up north of Seattle. The cause seemed more than worthy and I am honored to share with you about what she has accomplished.

Forwarded from Michelle Roberts:

Just wanted to let you all know that we did it! Each person on my team wasn't able to walk all 60 miles, but I made it!
I just wanted to say thank you for all of your support, be it monetary, phone calls, text messages and your thoughts and prayers.
If you had asked me on friday night if I would do this again I would have told you that you must be drinking your bathwater again cuz there was no way. Yet, Sunday rolled around and I already knew that I wanted to do it again. I thought that raising the money would be the hard part, but compared to walking that was a piece of cake. For those of you who live around here we walked the first day from Bellevue to the airport, via Renton. It was about 25 miles. Thank goodness some of our teammates were faster and they pitched our tents for us. My girlfriend, Trish got 100 yards from camp and the largest of her dozen (yes, that's dozen) blisters ripped open. Medical wouldn't allow her to walk on Saturday. Saturday was down and around and over the river and through the woods. Inever really knew where we were, but it was a 20 mile jaunt. Sunday was the most beautiful day ever! For one, we knew we only had 15 miles to go (who would ever think that I would be e xcited about ONLY walking 15 miles!) and the weather was gorgeous! We were bussed over to West SEattle as they didn't want us walking through White Center (they didn't feel like dealing with a shooting, and neither did we!) and we walked along Alki. You could see the Space Needle across the water and it was a sight. We walked past the Mariner and Seahawk stadiums, just as the Seahawk fans were walking in for opening day (we went from a sea of pink to a sea of blue for a bit). We ended at Seattle Center and people galore. Jeff and the boys and the moms came down to meet me and I've never been so glad to see them. I had hit a wall on Saturday at lunch and just wanted my family. I knew that I could get through it. The best saying on a shirt this weekend kept me going: Blisters don't bad as chemo does. Doesn't that just say it all?
I have already decided to do this next year and if anyone wants to join us there is always room. If you don't think that you can walk it think about volunteering. They will have walks in 14 different cities next year and they can use all the help that they can get. The only paid personnel are the on-site security guards that watch over camp after lights out.
Thanks again for all of your help. I have lots of pictures and can't wait to scrap them soon.
love to you all!

--Help me fight Breast CAncer by sponsoring me in The Breast Cancer 3 Day Walk

Friday, September 7, 2007



If God’s timing is perfect, how come we don’t always like the outcome? I mean, if the timing is so great, why are there times when we wish it had happened sooner, or later depending on the circumstances? If I was in control of the timing, wouldn’t I have a better idea of what was best? Opportunities would come my way like jobs or monetary gains or relationships, all at exactly when I needed and wanted them. Poof, I’ve got the perfect job and the perfect wife and I’m loaded. The funny thing is I would mess it all up and find myself having to start over all the time.

God gives us what we can handle at precisely the moment we are ready for it. Sometimes we don’t think so, but God does. It doesn’t matter if the something is good or bad. God grants us opportunities to grow in one way or another, either through trials or blessings. In either case, God is testing us to see if we are ready for the next challenge, ready to take on more of what he has in store for our lives.

Ultimately, God is our barometer, he is the indicator of change in our lives. Everyday you get up something is different from the day before, there will never be two days that are exactly the same. God is with us in each and every moment as our lives change and yes, they change each moment. For those that fear change I have some bad news for you, your life is ever changing and there is no point in trying to stop it.

When change happens we need to remember that God is bigger than anything that comes our way. Regardless of whether the change is good or bad, our perception or more importantly our view is largely based on how big a part God plays in our lives. If we implicitly trust God to be our guide through this life, there is literally no change in your life that you will not end up thanking God for.

Honestly that seems like a major leap of faith, to trust God so much that no matter what, we know that He has it covered. But knowing the end result of where we are headed, we need to keep our eyes on the prize and believe that this life is more than a parade.

God’s timing is always good, it is something I can hang my hat on everyday. The sun comes up again and I know that He is there working through the changes in my life, ensuring that I see His goodness in all of it.

my life is not mine, and yet it is mine to live for Him. Peace to you all.


Monday, September 3, 2007

i can

I can’t do it. I tried, I really did. I tried over and over again until it hurt. Attempt after attempt made no difference, eventually I had to admit I was not going to get there. Finally I gave up and asked for help. At first I fought the help because I knew it made me look incapable. Then when the help seemed to be working I started thinking maybe I could just pick it up from there and things would be fine. Maybe I could take over again and do it my way. Maybe no one would notice that I had been helped and would think I had it all figured out now, that I was just as good as ever.

But it didn’t work out that way. Instead I got busted for trying to cheat the system. I was found out for the fraud that I am. I was put on a list of all the failures out there, shown for the loser I really am. I made excuse after excuse, you would have thought I had written a book on giving excuses. In fact I could probably teach seminars to people who need more excuses in their lives. My story was now public and there was no going back. From here on out the road would be rough and there would be no sympathy for this weary traveler.

Convinced the sun would not shine on me anymore I sought seclusion. The best answer to being exposed by the light is to seek the cover of darkness. I plunged into the depths, looking for peace and quiet. I begged that no one would find me there. I wanted to be left alone, to wither away. It’s not that I disliked the sun, it’s just that I no longer felt its’ warmth the way I used to.

So down I dug, accepting the coldness, embracing the dark. Names don’t matter down here, faces aren’t important. Who you know is only an issue if you can’t carry on a conversation with yourself. The walls are friends, so is the ground. They don’t talk back but they are always there to lean on or lay on. They might be cold but there is no sudden exposure to fear, no concern for being found out by them.

But loneliness is no picnic. Empathy only works when there is some else in your life. The walls don’t count. You can hide for a long time as I have discovered, but eventually there are needs that surface, like companionship. So the attitudes have to change subtly in order to adjust to interfacing with other people. But alas, ambiguity becomes your soul mate. When confronted with society, with the intention of belonging, relationships become meetings that one must attend. Just as in the darkness, names and faces don’t matter. Predicting the flow of a conversation is easy and soon you can have the same one with everyone. It’s almost as if you are talking to yourself again.

Then one day you find yourself face to face with the sun. Something about it is appealing. You try and recall what it was, grasping for a memory or two, trying to remember. There is a touch of warmth and then it hits you. Slowly at first then more intensely you begin to sense something wonderful is taking place, but you have been so out of touch for so long that there is no natural progression. No first step and then the next, no graduation to some greater feeling. So you sit there stumped as to what could be taking place.

Seeking answers to these misplaced feelings is like only knowing English and trying to read Hebrew. I’m going the wrong way and I’m on the wrong page. What appears to be possible solutions are really just more questions that lead to further confusion. But this feeling is taking over now and the warmth I felt as a kid is returning whenever I think of the sun. The feeling is even greater when confronted with it.

Soon, all I seek is to be in that warmth, even if I don’t have all the answers. There are still many strangers around here, I know so few of them by face, let alone by name. But there is something about these faces. The same warmth I feel from the sun is somehow radiating from these people as well. There is compassion, there is a sense of belonging and there is hope. Hope that I will not have to retreat back to that place of darkness.

I don’t come out here seeking empathy. All I ever wanted was to get it right. When my best efforts failed and I sought help I thought I had to sell my very being to get it. What I never understood back then was how easy it was to get the help. It’s not that I didn’t know better, I suppose I knew all along, but there is no manual for this sort of thing, for life. Or at least that’s what I used to believe.

It has taken many years to come to the conclusion that help is something we get, and equally as important it is something we give. When you come face to face with the sun and know there is something special about it, understand that we are all underneath the same one. We are all seeking help in some way and we all have the ability to help in one way or another.

Living this life right takes many things. It takes patience, maturity, education and wisdom. It takes time and energy. In some cases it takes money. Most of all it takes help, and not just getting it but giving it too. Starting with the right attitude will get you a long way, but eventually you will come to a place where someone knows more than you do and you have to ask for help. If you don’t, you may find yourself talking to the walls. If you do, tell them hi for me, but the view is much better up here.

my life is not mine, and yet it is mine to live for Him. Peace to you all.