It’s strange to transfer thoughts to words but not always in a spoken manner. What I mean is that most times, I can take a plethora of words from my mind and move them to paper, but doing the same in a conversation is something entirely different, and in fact, not very easy. When given time to articulate my thoughts I can speak them eloquently and often have, but off the cuff is another story and I have struggled for years with the capacity to speak my thoughts with little planning or foresight. I suppose this only strengthens the idea that I enjoy writing, or if nothing else, it supports the concept of thinking before you speak.
Those who speak publicly on a regular basis are people I admire greatly. These are usually individuals who can put their thoughts into note format and then speak beautifully from limited cues but mostly from their own minds, as they are lead by their thoughts on a particular matter or topic. In a way, I envy that. Oddly, my thoughts that transfer to here are quick and concise and usually flow from what is in my head at that second. I don’t think about something, take notes and then go write a paper or article. Instead, I sit down at the computer and start typing based on an initial thought and then extrapolate from there. In a way, I type as I think.
But to take those same thoughts and simply speak is unfortunately not something I have been gifted with. I can prepare something and speak it well enough. I can rehearse lines of a song and sing it just fine, but what I really enjoy is just sitting here and writing down my thoughts. Words seem to just roll out of my head and for that, I am thankful. However, there are times, almost daily, where I wish I could carry on conversations better. I watch and listen to others who seem to have a natural knack for speaking about any topic, and doing so in a rhythm that flows as if it’s supposed to. I seem to struggle for what to say sometimes, for how to lead a conversation. I rarely lead conversations, instead I seem to just fill in when the other person stops talking. This has always been my modus operandi and I have seemingly never argued about it. Truthfully, it’s not as if I haven’t tried to be more insightful about certain topics and will attempt to carry on more but usually I just end up being quiet so I can listen as others carry on.
Sometimes, I wonder what others think regarding my lack of input in a given conversation. I would think that people who are naturally insightful would pick up on these things but alas, that doesn’t happen, at least not yet. And this is not meant as some condemnation to those I talk to, please understand. If you see me tomorrow, don’t clam up, expecting that in your silence I will suddenly start talking. It’s not really that easy and I suppose that for a lot of people this is the case. Words are not something I dole out like candy at a parade. And that brings me back to those who are so good at it. When a good speaker is at his or her best, those words are all hand picked and have meaning. Those words are not just thrown out there in happenstance, but instead, they are given away, with the understanding that the listener will grab them and use them.
A good speaker will use words that will benefit the listening audience, even if the audience is only one person. My hope and prayer is that my words can be used as effectively.