Wednesday, November 27, 2013

More than one way to skin a cat

I have heard it said that there is more than one way to skin a cat. As curious as that statement is, I have never had the need, nor the desire, to skin a cat. I am also quite positive that some animal rights group would camp out on my door step and build tree forts in my yard for weeks in protest. That visual alone is worse than actually skinning a cat. I’m also fairly certain that any attempt to skin a cat would result in losing as much skin as the cat

And while I certainly understand the metaphor, I would rather consider how many wonderful ways there are to cook a turkey, something that is indeed useful. One of the more trendy ways to cook a bird for Thanksgiving is to deep fry it. If you think I’m kidding, try typing the words deep fried into any search engine of any browser. This is America, we love things deep fried, as often as possible. Deep fried turkey is amazing, especially if done right. The skin of the turkey is fantastic and all the meat is juicy, not just the dark stuff (which is way better than white meat).

Another fascinating concept is that of beer butt turkey. Again, if you doubt this, just check it out online, it’s where all the best information is at. Inserting a can of beer into the center of a turkey and then BBQing it is apparently another great way to get a moist bird. And seeing as how I am responsible for cooking the turkey on the BBQ this year, I might have to try that. Are you supposed to drink the beer afterwards?

One idea that I am intrigued by is turducken. If you are unaware of this phenomenon, let me enlighten you. First, you take a duck and stuff it with stuffing. Then you shove it into a chicken. Next, you stuff the chicken into a turkey. Any open pockets are to be filled with more stuffing. Then, when you can’t stuff anymore, you bake it. Apparently, after that you eat it. All of a sudden I’m hungry, not sure why.

If there is one thing that will definitely not be served in our house, it’s tofurkey. Tofurkey is the equivalent of a Milli Vanilli song. There is absolutely nothing you can ever do to make it sound good to me; it will always be a fake.

At the end of the day, if you want to really impress your friends and make your mother in law look at you funny for more than three hours, you need to spatchcock your turkey. Don’t look at me like that. Basically, you butterfly your turkey before you cook it and in the process, you can eat in an hour and a half. I’m thinking that spatchcocking is starting to sound pretty good, instead of just really weird.

Whatever way you go this year, save me some dark meat, unless it’s tofurkey. In which case, you might try deep frying it…or feeding it to the cat.

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