Monday, October 29, 2007

are you in line?

Let me preface this conversation by saying that my patience is wearing thin. It’s not that I hate anyone, in fact its best that no names are used so no ones feelings get hurt, but here we go…and what I mean to say is, excuse me whilst I grab the old box to stand on for this next tirade, or sermon rather.

The season for which I find myself is this, one of patience and kindness and understanding. Seriously, I think I could sit someone on the couch these days and listen real intently and then offer some real life changing advice. Of course there are a few pieces of wood that would have to be removed from the sofa first, but I’m sure you understand, and in fact would wait a few minutes while I hauled them past you into the waiting room. I need to provide seating you know.

Clearly there is contradiction here. First my patience is wearing thin then I say that I am in a season of patience. I know, hard to follow, hard to understand, but I can explain. The patience that I do have seems to be in a holding pattern. Occasionally I come across people in my life who deserve it and then there are those that don’t. So maybe the season is more about discernment than patience, but stick with me here.

It’s like this for me really. I go back and forth all the time. I have been called ADD (attention deficit disorder) by friends. It might have something to do with the gallons of coffee I consume daily, but that is merely speculation. What I do know is this, I have compassion some days and complete disdain on others. Does this happen to you too? There are days I could buy the world a soda and teach it to sing and then there are other times I want to smack half of ‘em upside the head and ask where they left their collective brains.

The only thing, and I mean LITERALLY the only thing that keeps me sane most days are the conversations I have with God, who seems to be constantly reminding me how little I am in comparison to the big picture. So of course I listen intently as He always has some real enlightening things to say. Mostly what I hear Him tell me is that I need to be more patient. So I try that, for about an hour, and it works great too, for about an hour.

If you know me well enough you know I talk a lot, but I think more than I talk, imagine that one. There is no time I am not thinking of something, except maybe when sleeping and there is room for debate there. So with all this thinking going on I am always bombarded with rational and irrational thoughts pertaining to everyday living and the day to day interaction with those around me.

I like to believe that I am insightful, that the majority of the thoughts that pervade my head are above par and leading to bigger things. But as I am constantly reminded by He who is omni-insightful, I am not quite there yet.

When I was younger I believed that most intelligence was book bought and therefore required not just much thought and concentration on subject matter, but much open discussion relating to any given topic. So therefore I talked a lot, about everything.

As I have aged I have discovered that much learning can also be had by little or no dialogue, simply by listening and observing the time and space that surrounds each of us. By paying attention to most of the little details of my day I have ascertained that most people are just here for the free t-shirt, the one that says “huh?”

So naturally I have to ask myself a few tough questions, like do I want my kids to be as insightful as I portend to be or to just “jellyfish it” through life. Do I need to just pray more for peace and understanding and concentrate on what I can do for Him and His kingdom? Maybe its time to get in line for the shirt.

my life is not mine, and yet it is mine to live for Him. Peace to you all.


1 comment:

DANNY said...