Friday, June 27, 2014

Weed control

At some point in the near future, I am expecting to be able to climb the weeds in my back yard, preferably to a cloud home in the sky, where I’m hoping to find a golden goose. The theory seems perfectly sound given the hardiness of the weeds. I’ll keep you posted.

Every year, we fight the same battle with weeds and yard maintenance and every year I seem to promise myself that I won’t let it get as bad as the last time. And yet, every year I find myself staring down a back yard that more resembles a wild jungle landscape and less like the well manicured ideal I had in mind. Part of my dilemma has been my allergies to most of the weeds and I am fairly certain that this is God’s way of telling me to avoid yard work. Seriously, just thinking about it all makes me itch, and not in a good way. Achoo.

All around me are new neighbors. In the last year, a home builder has put up five new houses, thereby filling up our little street. Four of those houses were filled immediately with new owners and I’m sure when the fifth house is complete, it will have a new owner as well. All of this has meant the advent of new people to get to know which has been very exciting. However, all this newness has left me wondering if maybe I just need to rent a bobcat and rip out all the weeds and everything else and start over. At the very least I know I would enjoy driving the bobcat!

Weeds are such a pain to deal with, mainly because they seem to be so relentless. They come back month after month and never stop. My new neighbors appear to have a handle on the weeds since their yards have just been put in, so maybe I just need a new yard, which sounds easy and I want easy. However, maybe I’m supposed to let my weeds grow really tall and sell them. There seems to be a market for everything else these days, so why not weeds! Maybe in other countries, these aren’t even weeds at all, but precious plants revered by many. There’s a thought!

Seriously though, our dog is not allowed back there for very long for fear she won’t make it out alive. She has actually created little nests out of pockets of weeds and tunnels so she can navigate the space. My biggest fear is that the Loch Ness monster is going to appear in there somewhere and eat her whole and that would be unfortunate. For that reason, I’ve stopped going out there altogether. Of course, we can’t live like this for long; someone has to take a stand against these viscous killers. Maybe I’ll send my kids out there and pay them a few dollars each…that could work.

Meanwhile, I’ve assembled some climbing gear and a team of Sherpas. We plan to make a run at the summit in approximately two weeks if the weather holds. The Sherpas seem a little concerned though because of the lack of snow and the direct vertical nature of our ascent. I’ve assured them however that there is a golden egg at the top, awaiting each of them. I’ve also let them know that if they hang around base camp too long, the Loch Ness monster will surely eat them whole.

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