Wednesday, April 8, 2015

Not a break

Every time I take a break from writing and then come back (because I ALWAYS do), I seem to write one of these "come back" posts, where I talk about my motivation and enthusiasm and desire to write more. Then, invariably, life happens and I'm back writing another one of these posts, about getting back to writing more and believing I can be more consistent. Seems to be a viscous cycle indeed.

What seems to be more apt is to simply catch all of you up on where life has taken me these last several months (since August). Wending my way through life like any trooper of a dad is to be expected, but this last 6 months has been pretty epic, so I shall elaborate. 

I am now an ex high school coach, following a phenomenal season by some stellar kids in which we had one of the best seasons in school history, finishing in the top 25 in the state for the 3A/2A/1A level. Finishing on such a high will be a highlight for the rest of my life, especially since I got to coach such a great group of kids. They will not be soon forgotten. The reasons for why I am not coaching any more are a little bitter sweet but I am 100% positive I am making the right decision to walk away from it (at least for a few years).

To get a solid grip on how I got to that decision, one has to go back a little further than August, back to March of 2013. At that time, I was transitioning into being the worship leader for the church we had helped plant just 6 months prior. I was moving in a new direction and taking on more responsibility. It was at that time that I chose to take up the guitar, at the suggestion of my pastor. Over the next couple of months I tinkered with his guitar and began reaching out to find someone who could give lessons. In May I began those lessons with a local guru named David who guided me through some basics and slowly I learned a thing or two, but it was tough. I struggled the rest of the year (although my wife surprised me with a guitar for Christmas, which was SO AWESOME!!!), stopped taking lessons by November and honestly was not sure I could keep it up. 

January came and with it a renewed sense of desire to figure out this instrument. By March of 2014 I was beginning to enjoy playing and that's when it got fun. The more I played the more I loved it and the more I wanted to play all the time. Everywhere I went I took my guitar and it became more of a joy and less of an obligation (that's how it felt at first). And that joy was coming out on Sundays and being noticed by my family and friends. 

Because of my joy for what I was doing, I was spending (and still do) a fair amount of time developing my position as a leader, which meant there was less time for other things that didn't fit in my schedule. And that's when we get to last August...

When the season started I was as excited as anyone else, ready for a new year with a new assistant coach and poised for some good matches. I went into the season with high hopes, having laid down some prior planning to ensure that my day job would not be sacrificed (as it had the previous year) and that my time at church would work as well. Add to that a wife and two kids, being a board member of the church (and the meetings that entails), leading a small group in our home and still trying to find time to squeak in a few moments to go for a run (hahahahahahahahahahahaha) and you begin to understand that scheduling is something I'm good at because I have forced myself to be good at it due to my chaotic lifestyle.

As an aside, I do not recommend this type of harried lifestyle to anyone. Most people think I am certifiable and in fact have suggested I get my head checked. The thing is that I happen to love it but maybe that's because I really am nuts. Tough to say.

So, with that in mind, I coasted into the fall season (not really...I crashed into the fall season and spent the next few months attempting to drive on 2.5 wheels while missing half the engine). Clearly I had finally devoured more than I could stuff into my cheeks and pieces were beginning to fall out. I held it together on the outside and by all accounts was mostly successful in duping a lot of people into believing I was able to make it all work. But inside I was a wreck and had privately shared with my wife that I could simply no longer manage this pace...something had to give (possibly a few somethings). 

Therefore, in early November, after several conversations with several key people in my life and after much prayer, I chose to walk away from coaching (something I have done for over 25 years).

As difficult as that decision was to make, another decision was looming and by the end of December I had decided to go back to school. Throughout the last 2 years, God was working on me in so many ways and today I can look back and see numerous places where there was no other explanation than God steering me towards something different; something greater. 

I will undoubtedly miss coaching when the season resumes this coming August, but I am being molded into something that I refuse to miss out on, because God didn't hesitate to say yes to me.

Wherever this road takes me over the next few years, I will still be here writing and running and singing along, enjoying every moment that God gives me.

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